Just Like Me

I'm writing a book.

I'm writing a book for you.

I'm writing a book for you who is just like me.

The more seasoned I get (I refuse to say older), the more I realize how many of you are just like me. Life has its way of making us wake up and realize we are not living the fairy tale we've read about or seen in movies through the years. The longer I live, the more I realize that every single thing I've been through will not have been wasted.  Somehow, some way, no matter what I may be doing, I am reminded of events that occurred in my past that I can look back on and know how to handle the current situation. No thing I have been through will be wasted.

I want to write to those of you who can relate.

I want to write to you who is just like me.

I want to write a book for you who can relate to experiencing really tough times, disturbing and heavy situations that the majority of American population would have reached a point so low that they would have landed in an insane asylum or even worse, dead. But not you who still managed to pull through despite the depressing exigence, and came out even stronger than you ever imagined you could.

I want to write to young women who managed to walk on with pride with their head held high, with fearless confidence.... Especially after suffering the most hurtful, most painful, most unbearable life event. I want to write to the one that everyone watched and whispered behind saying "She'll never make it".  The one who abandoned her heart through the tears on her pillowcase, but put on her suit and heels and worked through it, numb to everyone else.  I want to write to the one that was so paralyzed from the event that she could walk past her enemies and smile, showing them the dignity and respect they didn't even deserve.

I want to write to the young ladies who grew up in single family homes, and were raised by other strong women, but never had the real men around to teach and show them what not to take from a boy imitating a man.  The ones who had to watch their mothers work tirelessly and carry the role of mother and father in their household, all the while really wishing, hoping and praying that one day God would send someone who could help carry some of the load.

I want to write.

I want to write to you, who is just like me.

I want to write to those who have wild dreams and aspirations but because you are so incredible and you have proven in the past to do exactly that which you have sought after, you've become a threat to those others who you trusted and believed were your friends or loved ones, but in reality, they had ill intentions.  Those of you who trusted too soon, and the moment you posed a threat to them that you may actually supersede them in success, they became your competition... Or even worse, they pretended to love you and did everything in their power to hold you back until they had one up on you.

I want to write.

Will you listen?

Is it you?
#justLikeMe
#iSayHello

Our Father's Children

#MissingFatherFactor

According to the United States Census Bureau, 24 million children (one out of three) live in biological father-absent homes. Shocked? She's not... 

The #MissingFatherFactor has such a great influence on our youth in such factors of economy, emotional and behavioral problems, maternal and child health, crime and incarceration, pregnancy and sexual activity, child abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, childhood obesity and education. 

Who is at fault? When two consenting adults share those five minutes together where another soul is created in her womb, who is at fault? When she makes the decision to carry this precious soul it may or may not be communicated to her what his decision will be. She may go into the situation with his full support. They may get married. Something may happen during pregnancy to cause him to run off and never look back. Or maybe he made it clear as soon as she let him know of the pregnancy that he wanted no part of it, and she never saw him again. There are so many hypotheticals that apparently in one of three cases become reality. It's happened... Now what?

Now you have a fatherless child who is scarred for the rest of his/her life. Lets speak about her life. Despite how statistics often shed a melancholy, rejected, doleful light on those poor, poor little girls who have absent fathers, how about focusing on the more positive #lifeLessons she has learned. Yes, mistakes would be made along the way, just as any child would make, whether raised in a two-parent home or single-parent home. Of course she feels the pain, daily, of rejection, abandonment and renunciation. Of course she wonders if the outcome of her life would have been altered - more sophisticated, more successful and more captivating. Of course she wonders if her relationships would have been better maintained, solid, and auspicious. What really makes her who she is her turning all the negative into positives and her response to each #lifeLesson she endured to ultimately determine whether she bounces back, or remains in the valley. 

As she deals with the #missingFatherFactor, she chooses to take what was never there, make notation of what she wouldn't like in her future, what would make her happy, learn how best to treat her 'him', and put to action the education she has obtained on maintaining a solid, Godly home and environment for her next generation. 

"Judge not, lest ye be judged." - Here's the challenge to 'him' out there: Stop using the excuse that "she didn't grow up with a father, so she doesn't know how to treat a man". And the challenge to 'her' is to stop looking for the fatherly characteristics in him, expecting him to always take care of you and play the role of someone you never had. The fact of the matter is that the #missingFatherFactor should have been there, but he wasn't. Use that as your weapon against becoming like the other statistics of the fatherless. When in doubt, reach out to your Heavenly Father. Now that's one man who never left her side. He will never leave you nor forsake you - even though you treat Him like crap and only call Him when you want or need something. He never left your mother, either. Instead He made provisions for her on your behalf, for the betterment of you and your future. Like it or not, He knew what He was doing when He allowed the #missingFatherFactor to walk out the door and never return. 

He already had a plan for her. He knew the mistakes she'd make, the promises she couldn't keep, and the humility of the #lifeLessons she withstood. There is hope in the fatherless. It remains sorrowful that the #missingFatherFactor didn't get to witness and see the fruits of His labor. (Him being her Heavenly Father, as He is the one who put in all the work.) 

#nufSaid #lifeLessons #missingFatherFactor

"It's Over... But It Happened"

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss 

This quote here. Very simple, but sensationally powerful.

In her thirty years of life, of living, she has endured many challenges, but also learned so many valuable lessons that she would be deficient without pausing to be grateful. There are so many times in life that one imagines what could have happened, had they only been a few minutes or a few seconds earlier or showed up five minutes later:

Those moments when you're driving on the highway and see a fatal three-car pile up...you become grateful that the annoying person at work wouldn't stop talking to you about the stupid coffee maker. While you didn't want to be rude and say "Shut up you idiot, I have things to do and I really don't care that you didn't have your caffeine today ...when in all actuality, you really didn't need to be drinking that anymore because your teeth are already stained and look a rotten, ratchet mess".  Instead you endured the conversation and politely walked away when they were finished. Had you not entertained that conversation, there's a great possibility that you might have been in that fatality. 

Or that moment you wake up and like every other normal day, complete your morning routine and leave for work. Once you arrive, you get a phone call from your neighbor saying that a shooting occurred across the street from your house, and his wife was caught in the line of fire while getting into her car...minutes after you'd already left. Had you changed your outfit one more time, or added one more coat of mascara, you too could have been in that line of gunfire.

There are so many moments like these that she has had to stop and thank God for keeping His hand on her, making provisions, causing interruptions or distractions to keep her from harms way. These life changing and future altering situations have not only occurred in the possible loss of life, but also the loss of love. It's over, but it happened.

She has been in long relationships, tending to try to endure and almost create or force happiness, all the while seeing the red flags, but chosing to ignore them in the name of love. Realizing that there are no perfect relationships, and no perfect persons (including herself), even when the good didn't outweigh the bad, she remained steadfast in hopes that things would get better, and things would change. So much time has gone by... So many things left unsaid... So many things she regrets... So many fingers pointed, placing blame here and there... It's over, but it happened.

She woke up one day and realized that it was all a #lifeLesson. Did she cry? Absolutely! Did she lose sleep? No doubt. So now what? After the tears, after the sleepless nights, after feeling sorry for herself..... Those tears of sorrow have turned into tears of joy and that frown is now a smile. Reminiscing not only for the memories of great times she shared with others, but also remembering the bad times, and the lessons learned from them. Not only does she know what not to deal with as she moves forward, she also knows what is tolerable and what is undesirable.

It's over, but it happened.

#lifeLessons #grateful